I won’t apologize for my feelings. Never have, never will. I will apologize if in some way you were caught in the cross fire of me deciding what I want to do. At the end of the day, I’m human.
So from the recent pictures you can tell that I’ve straightened my hair. It’s been a little over a year since I’ve put heat on my hair other than to use the tension method to stretch my hair a little. I blow dried and flat ironed it. I found out that before I clipped my ends (necessary evil) I reached APL! My goal is WL and then I’ll be good lol. When I was younger, that’s how long my hair was and that’s what I’m working towards again.
One thing I have noticed is that my switch in regimen and products has had an amazing effect on my hair.
5 on, 1 off rule:
Five weeks of twists (max of 2 different installs), 1 week of out styles
This has helped keep my hands out of my hair and helps protect some of my hair.
Even though I blow dried my hair, there’s still about a 2-3 inch difference than when I flat iron it. #NaturalMoment #SemiShrinkage #HotMess #ThoseEndsGotHandled #NaturalHairPerks
How do you explain that something that’s happening shouldn’t without getting feelings involved? Not necessarily your own, but the other party’s as well? How do you explain, “I’m no good, but still love you.” How do you express, “they aren’t right for you for you, but I don’t know who is.” Which way do you shape your mouth to yell, “I love you, but I can’t be with you.”
How do you say all these things, but not get feelings involved?
How do best friends say, “Your married lover is breaking up our friendship and I don’t like it” while the other utters, “But I love her but need a break from you because of your feelings.”
How do ex’s say, “I love you but you always went back to her when things have gotten bad and now she’s pregnant with your kid” while the other says “I was young. I was dumb. I just want you, but now you’re married.”
How do lovers say, “I know I’m married, but I want a life with you” while the other says, “I love you, and want a family with you. No matter who you’ve hurt, including my family.”
How do you sit in the middle of it all and try to just leave feelings out of all the pain, hurt, confusion, and emotional torment that circles your head? How do you hold back tears that sting your eyes when all you want is to curl in a ball? How do you hold your head up every day, knowing that everyone around you, excluding you, including you knows that their’s chaos around the corner.
How do you prepare a friend to lose someone, whether that be affaired lover or best friend of a decade + five? How do you prepare to tell a best friend that their past indiscretions still hurt and haunt you today? How do you keep quiet with everything on your mind? Who do you reach to to be your shelter in the storm when you have no one? How do you keep the mental separate from the physical, the emotional, the every day? How do you keep the peace knowing there is no peace in your mind?
Where do I run when my heart’s breaking in the midst? Who do I run to when I’m in the center of it all? What do I say, think, or feel knowing it affects the main people in my life? How do I smile knowing I see you every day while she’s at home crying about a lost friend? How do I speak knowing the baby may come early? How do I release when everything’s a stone sitting in the middle of my chest? How can I cry when I swallow all the emotions and stay quiet to it all?
Where do we go from here?